did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
