this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
