you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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