Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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