I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
