I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
