I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You are the jesus of drinking
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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