You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
