don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
