i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
