if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
