I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
there is another microwave in the elevator.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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