It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
