Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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