We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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