I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
