Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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