yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
