this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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