If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
