On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Will you blow on my dice?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
