I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
