Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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