I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
