So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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