Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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