I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
