It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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