i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
