I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
