Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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