Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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