guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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