guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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