My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
