That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
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