I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
