A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
