What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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