I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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