she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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