rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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