It's Friday. Sex?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
