I need help removing her.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize