Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize