matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
