My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
