There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
