And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
