Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
