I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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