Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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