we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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