did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
