Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
