Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He better not be in your backpack
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
