whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
